Validating feelings bible collage dating
Some people have a difficult time reflecting back what their spouse is saying because they fear it means they agree with that perspective or interpretation of the facts. I can debate for hours the particulars, specifics, figures, statements and events as Erin sees them. This not only helps her feel safe, it also takes us to a deeper level of intimacy.
Don’t forget, validation says, “You matter to me, regardless of whether I agree with your perspective or whether your feelings make sense to me.” When you disagree with the facts or opinions that your spouse is sharing, the key is to focus on his or her feelings. This gets us nowhere fast, and we both walk away feeling disconnected. To understand your spouse’s emotions, try using phrases like: • “That sounds frustrating/discouraging/like it would really hurt.” • “That must have been scary.” • “How strongly are you feeling that (on a scale of 0 to 10)? ” • “It sounds like you are really feeling __.” • “How else did you feel? ” This kind of questioning helps validate your spouse’s feelings.
Remember, you can validate your spouse’s point of view while still possessing a different viewpoint.
When I say, “Erin, I really understand that you are hurting, that this has wounded you,” I am not necessarily saying, “Erin, I agree with you, and I was wrong.” Rather, I am saying, “I could tell that this really hurt you, and your feelings mean the world to me. ” It’s also important that you verbally communicate that you are with your spouse — on the same page and on the same team.
I’ve found there are three powerful ways for couples to validate each other: 1. A great deal of validation occurs if you get good at reflecting or repeating back what your spouse is saying: • “So what I hear you saying is __.” • “Is that what you are saying? ” • “It sounds like __ is really important to you.” • “So what bothered you was that __?
” What stops couples from making these validating statements?
Today I love a cottage full of squealing happy children as they work desperately to make the end of Summer the best part.
I love that the oldest one keeps capturing crayfish and after a brief examination he puts them back in the water and watches them swim away....
Consider Galatians -23 which says that the "fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness and self-control." How many of those fruits are either emotions or closely connected to emotion?I get defensive or go into fix-it mode so quickly that it keeps me from validating her.To battle my natural tendency to debate and problem-solve Erin’s feelings, I remind myself of the truism, ” People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.” I have to constantly remember that Erin won’t care about my perspective, my emotions or my idea for a solution until she feels that I care about her.Or do you still struggle with this today, berating yourself for not being better at being totally self-sufficient, totally well-rounded, totally excellent in all areas of life?Validation is an opportunity to communicate that your spouse’s heart and emotions are important to you, regardless of whether you agree or they make sense to you. ” • “You are not being rational.” • “It’s nothing to get upset over.